Couples Who Listen to each other.
“This is the problem with dealing with someone who is actually a good listener. They don’t jump in on your sentences, saving you from actually finishing them, or talk over you, allowing what you do manage to get out to be lost or altered in transit. Instead, they wait, so you have to keep going.”
― Sarah Dessen, Just Listen
After a hectic day, you came home. You sit together with your partner and you begin narrating your experiences of the day. Here is what a partner who doesn’t listen does-
- They check their phones frequently, in hopes of getting a text or an update from someone.
- They don’t nod nor show any signs that they are listening.
- They jump in when we are talking.
- They shoot their advice without any warning.
- These wise partners reprimand and correct us without listening to the whole story.
- These behaviors drive us round the bend. We feel angry and we thank them for making our day even worse.
Nobody likes a partner who doesn’t listen. Sometimes all we want is our partner to lend an ear. We need the disturbance in our mind and the building emotions to be talked out from the system. When our partner doesn’t listen, we feel unsettled and neglected.
- A partner who listens pays 100% attention.
- They nod their head or show signs that they are listening.
- They observe our body language and notice our emotions.
- They can read between the lines.
- They smile and laugh If you are saying something hilarious. They can be comforting when they know that you are sad or troubled.
- They allow you to speak openly. They don’t break your flow. Rather, they follow where you are going.
In the end, you feel this amazing feeling of being heard. You feel happier and comforted. Our day becomes better when our partner shoulders half of our miseries.
The importance of listening:
- Listening improves communication: Listening improves communication between partners. By actively listening, we are 100% engaged with our partner. We are focused only on one thing and there is no other distraction. Since we are paying full attention, we understand what our partner is saying rather than just hearing their voice. When we listen carefully partners elaborate more on their thoughts and experiences. They feel more interested in the conversation when we are listening.
- Listening eliminates misunderstandings. Since an active listener pays attention even to the smallest details, no information is lost on the way. Their thoughts are not preoccupied with other unnecessary things. When they listen, their concentration is only towards you and nothing else. An active listener puts the effort into understanding you better and eliminates misunderstandings in a relationship. They will listen to the tone of your voice or observe your body language. A good listener will know if you are nervous, sad, or you are joking.
- Listening actively to our partner in a relationship builds trust. We like a partner who remembers important details and who understands us completely. When partners feel that even their smallest problems are heard, they are likely to trust you. Listening builds trust in a relationship.
- Before they speak, they listen to everything their partner has to say. They are empathetic. They don’t formulate what to say before their partner stops speaking. Sometimes we just want someone to listen to us. We don’t necessarily need advice every time. We will ask them if we need their opinions. A good listener will listen to you until you come to a solution or they might share their thoughts after you finish. Speaking your opinions before listening stops your partner from sharing all their thoughts and emotions. This stops them from further frustration in the relationship.
- Collects information. Communication builds a bridge between you and your partner. Listening collects all the information accurately and no details are lost on the way. We become aware of what our partner wants and likes. We understand our partner to the bones. Listening attentively helps us remember the important things our partner has said. We become more aware of what our partner needs and what they hate. Listening is important to accurately collect information in a relationship.
- Listening helps in building a strong relationship. An active listener is a good negotiator in a relationship. They try to walk in the shoes of their partner. Every experience you narrate, they try to feel and connect with your story. They try to own every pain or happy moments you have faced. Hence, they can compromise with your decisions and thoughts. Couples who listen to each other build strong trust, solid communication, and close intimacy, which reinforces their relationship.
A person who listens don’t have to compromise and agree to whatever their partner says. A gentle reprimanding and a piece of good advice should be offered if they are in the wrong. A simple thing as listening attentively to our partner can tremendously improve the condition of a relationship. It starts by patiently listening to the blabbering of our partner with calmness.